those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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