I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
