Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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