Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
