No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
