Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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