watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
