WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
