someone threw a dead crab at me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
