I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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