dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
