He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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