Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
