I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
a search helicopter?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
