I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
