Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
