My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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