last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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