I murdered the dance floor call the cops
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
two words: eviction party
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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