You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
