No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
