i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
