I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
