She bit a glass in half.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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