can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i've created a new STD.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
