that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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