If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
