Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
