i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize