Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
