I need help removing her.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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