I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
