just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
