I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
