Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize