ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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