we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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