I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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