i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
