the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
