Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
