I've blown a few things in my day
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
