it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
