his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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