I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
