I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
