??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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