Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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