After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
