he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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