If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
