you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
