I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
