she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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