Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
