I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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