i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
