Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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