hotel room ftw
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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