I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
