i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
