so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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