Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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