i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
