she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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