So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
