Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
