Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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